It’s hard to believe that Kevin passed away almost two months ago. I wanted to provide a flock update on how the girls have been doing without him, and the humans too. In my initial post about Kevin dying I indicated that the girls didn’t seem too shaken up by it, but boy was I wrong.
The first day after Kevin passed they were very subdued. My husband and I watched a movie that afternoon and both Toby and Kelly came and sat with me. One one each shoulder they settled in and took a nap. This has never happened before or since and I believe that it was an expression of communal grief. I felt that they were both taking comfort from me as well as intentionally comforting me. I tear up even now thinking about how sweet they were!
During the next couple of weeks the vibe was sort of….insane. Both Toby and Kelly turned into stage 5 clingers. There was nowhere we could go in the house that both girls wouldn’t follow us. This meant we suddenly had company routinely in the bathroom, bedrooms and my husband’s office, which were typically not places of interest for them. They were even trying to join us in a freezing cold hallway that leads to our garage and basement, where they had never even thought about going before. It definitely increased our awareness of being careful when shutting doors and making sure they were secure when we left the house.
When they were in their cages, generally only during our workdays, they were incessantly flock calling us. Unfortunately, we couldn’t let them out, since they were also going through an extreme period of aggression towards each other and had to be closely supervised.
It was pretty much chaos and I think I can say with certainty that all human and budgie flock members were miserable. I had expected the human misery, but I was surprised about the impact on the girls, neither of them had been bonded to Kevin and they never treated him particularly kindly, at least not on a consistent basis.
Fortunately after a couple weeks of madness they tapered down on the intensity and now the vibe is very much like it was before Kevin joined the flock. The girls mostly do okay when they are out together, although they will always need to have separate cages. I have broken up a couple of bad fights, but only about one a week, which is fairly normal for them!
At this point I think it’s the humans that are struggling most. I miss Kevin every day, and I’ve been failing a bit on giving the girls a super enriching experience because of it. Particularly on the fresh fruits and vegetables. It used to be that every day when I would get out of work I would prep a snack for them. Kevin would always come sit on their java tree and watch me with great interest. Then, when the plate was ready I would offer him first taste. He gave any food a try, and usually tucked in with gusto. It was a rewarding feedback loop for both of us, and I find that now when I go to prep Toby and Kelly a fruit or vegetable I just feel sad.
That’s something I need to get over so I can provide them with at least the option of some good fresh vegetable or fruit every day. I also fell off on rearranging their cages or providing new toys for a few weeks. Fortunately I recently had a small spree at Planet Pleasures bird toys and now have some good new options to rotate into the cages. (note – this post is not sponsored in any way by Planet Pleasures and I am not compensated for mentioning their products)
In terms of next steps, you might be wondering if we’re going to add to the flock again. As of right now we have no plans to, which was a tough decision to make. I so much miss having Kevin’s sweet and docile energy. I love my girls, they are challenging and independent and keep me on my toes, whereas dealing with Kevin was pure joy.
But, we have to acknowledge that now that the girls have evened out, they don’t need another flock member. As long as I get fully back into providing regular enrichment, new toys and new experiences I know that the girls aren’t missing out on anything, at least as far as they are concerned. If we immediately ran out and got another boy (tempting!) it wouldn’t be for the good of the overall flock, just for us humans.
Not that there’s necessarily anything wrong with that. They are such a rough couple of ladies though, I worry that a budgie with less developed social skills than Kevin might have an even tougher time! For now I think we’ll take things as they come, maybe in spring I’ll feel differently, but for now it seems like a good plan to keep things simple.
Thank you again to everyone for the condolences that I received through the blog and my social media channels. I know how many of you loved Kevin too, and I felt so touched by the many comments and messages.
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